Why Too Much Masculinity is Toxic : A Lesson from Jesus
Matthew BellIn today’s culture, masculinity is often seen in extremes. On one hand, there’s the aggressive, dominating “alpha” mentality that glorifies power, aggression, and suppression of emotions. On the other hand, there’s a push to redefine masculinity in ways that are more nurturing and compassionate. As Christians, it’s crucial to understand what the Bible says about masculinity and why an extreme form of it—what is often called “toxic masculinity”—can be harmful both to men and those around them.
But what exactly is toxic masculinity, and why is it a concern? Toxic masculinity is a distorted version of manhood that emphasizes traits such as aggression, emotional suppression, and dominance while rejecting compassion, humility, and vulnerability. It can manifest in many harmful behaviors, such as anger, violence, and the devaluation of women and others. This is not biblical masculinity. When we look at Jesus, the perfect example of manhood, we see a radically different model—one marked by strength and gentleness, courage and humility, authority and servanthood.
Understanding True Biblical Masculinity
Before addressing the dangers of toxic masculinity, we need to define what biblical masculinity looks like. The Bible does not promote a one-dimensional view of what it means to be a man. Instead, it provides a holistic image that includes both strength and tenderness.
In Genesis, God created man in His own image (Genesis 1:27). This means that masculinity, in its original form, reflects God’s nature. God is both strong and just, but He is also compassionate, merciful, and gentle. A godly man, then, should reflect these characteristics. True biblical masculinity is rooted in love, service, and self-control.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” — Galatians 5:22-23
Biblical masculinity is not defined by aggression or dominance, but by a heart that seeks to honor God and serve others. When we stray from this model, masculinity can become toxic.
What is Toxic Masculinity?
Toxic masculinity is the corruption of God’s original design for men. It emphasizes traits such as:
- Aggression and Anger: The belief that men should dominate others to prove their strength.
- Emotional Suppression: The false notion that showing emotions (like sadness or fear) is a sign of weakness.
- Disregard for Others: The tendency to devalue women, children, or anyone seen as “weaker.”
- Hyper-Individualism: Prioritizing self-interest, pride, and independence over humility, accountability, and teamwork.
This distorted form of masculinity is dangerous because it contradicts the character of Jesus, who was the embodiment of true manhood.
Jesus: The Perfect Model of True Masculinity
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to earth not only to save humanity but also to show us how to live—including what it means to be a man. Jesus was strong, but never aggressive. He was bold, yet compassionate. He held authority but never abused it. He exhibited all the virtues of a godly man and stands as the perfect model of masculinity.
Jesus Was Strong, But Not Overbearing
Jesus showed incredible strength and courage, especially when facing temptation and opposition. He stood up to the Pharisees and drove out the money changers from the temple (John 2:14-16), yet He did so out of righteous anger, not a desire to dominate or intimidate. His strength was always controlled, directed toward defending the holiness of God and caring for others.
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” — Matthew 5:5
Meekness is not weakness. It is power under control. Jesus could have called legions of angels to destroy His enemies, but He chose restraint and compassion, even praying for those who crucified Him (Luke 23:34). This is the true strength of a godly man.
Jesus Was Humble, Not Proud
Toxic masculinity often promotes pride and self-centeredness, but Jesus, the King of Kings, took on the role of a servant.
“...Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant...” — Philippians 2:6-7
Jesus, though He had every right to exalt Himself, chose to humble Himself, even washing His disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). Humility is a mark of true masculinity, as it recognizes God’s authority and the value of serving others over self-exaltation.
Jesus Was Compassionate, Not Cold
While toxic masculinity views compassion and gentleness as signs of weakness, Jesus showed profound compassion and tenderness. He wept over the death of His friend Lazarus (John 11:35) and showed empathy to those suffering around Him.
“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” — John 11:33
Jesus wasn’t afraid to show His emotions or be moved by the pain of others. Instead of suppressing His feelings, He allowed Himself to express them in a healthy, godly way. True masculinity is not marked by the suppression of emotions but by being emotionally present, compassionate, and empathetic.
Jesus Was Gentle, But Firm
Jesus was never passive or timid, but His firmness was always balanced with gentleness. He was firm with the Pharisees when He needed to expose their hypocrisy, but He was gentle and patient with sinners, like the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11). His gentleness did not undermine His strength; it magnified it.
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” — Matthew 11:29
Why Too Much Masculinity Can Become Toxic
When men take biblical qualities like strength, courage, and leadership to an extreme—removing humility, gentleness, and compassion—it leads to a toxic form of masculinity that distorts God’s design. This can manifest in harmful ways, such as:
- Verbal or Physical Aggression: Mistaking forcefulness for strength.
- Emotional Suppression: Believing that men should not show vulnerability or seek help.
- Controlling Behavior: Seeking to dominate others rather than lead with love and service.
Such attitudes are contrary to the example set by Jesus. True masculinity is strong and gentle, courageous and compassionate, firm and humble.
How to Cultivate Christlike Masculinity
If we want to avoid toxic masculinity, we must look to Jesus as our role model. Here are a few practical ways to cultivate Christlike masculinity:
- Pursue Humility: Be willing to serve others and put their needs above your own.
- Show Compassion: Don’t be afraid to express your emotions and show empathy to those who are hurting.
- Be Courageous in Love: Stand up for what is right, but always do so in a spirit of love and gentleness.
- Embrace Gentleness: Strength is not about aggression or force; it’s about self-control and kindness.
- Seek God’s Guidance: Pray and study Scripture to understand how God defines manhood.
Conclusion: Follow Jesus, Not the World’s Definition of Manhood
The Bible offers a beautiful and balanced view of masculinity, one that reflects God’s character. Jesus is the ultimate example of what it means to be a true man—strong yet gentle, courageous yet compassionate, authoritative yet humble. When we follow His example, we avoid the pitfalls of toxic masculinity and instead embody godly masculinity that honors God and blesses others.
As men, our goal should not be to live up to society’s expectations, but to reflect Jesus in everything we do. When we follow His model, we become the kind of men who lead with love, serve with humility, and impact the world for God’s glory.
